Powerful Testimony! from Author Kerri Herndon, who as a young girl was searching for love in all the wrong places, which led her in to a world of violence, abuse and three suicide attempts. Kerri Exposes the Psyche and the attraction, of what leads so many young girls and women astray into the streets, and into the arms of ruthless thugs and gang members. Kerri gives great insight and wisdom on how others can avoid the dangerous pitfalls of “Thug Love.”
Kerri’s the Author of “Simply Me”
The other day I was talking on a cell door with a ward from Watts who wanted to show me photos of himself from the “Out’s” (In free society). In one of the photos, he was dressed up in the latest style Hip hop clothes and the majority of his teeth were plated in gold. In another photo, he was holding a wad of money as if they were playing cards. We had been discussing his perspective of a relationship with the opposite sex. As we were conversing, he kept referring to women as “females.” When I asked him why he kept referring to woman as “females” he conveyed to me that he believed he was being respectful, knowing the majority of his peers in conversations about the opposite sex, refer to women as “bi*%#’s” and “hoes.”
This individual and I had been talking about his life for the past couple of months. He is a highly skilled artist, who is very bright, yet his downfall has been a strong taste for “fast money.” In past talks, we had weighed out the pros and cons of the drug dealing and gang banging lifestyle, and he himself came to the conclusion that there were far more cons than pros, and that he knew he really needed to change his ways. Yet, the biggest roadblock he felt about changing his ways was that he believed women would have nothing to do with a hardworking student, working a part-time job, with a modest to low-income salary.
He, like many I talk to within the institution, believed that large amounts of cash, jewelry and fast cars are the only way to bait a beautiful woman to come their way. They read the latest music magazines and see the music videos of half-dressed, beautiful women, lusting and falling all over the entertainers with all the riches. They see the entertainer lying back like “King Cesear” having his selection of a modern day harem of women, who if summoned, will run to the rock or rap star, with complete submission. In many videos, it appears that the meaner or more disrespectful these entertainers are with the women, the more the women are attracted and committed to them.
Two gang banging dope dealers from Compton shared with me that some of their “Big homies” who are the “king pin” dope dealers of their “hood” have bought mansions in places such as Las Vegas, where they employ women to be a part of their harem, and serve them drinks and perform other household duties while wearing bikinis. These wards truly believe this type of lifestyle is the meaning of the “good life.” This is what keeps many of them so motivated to keep risking their lives in the crime, gang and “dope game.” When talking about their “gangsta paradise” goals, women are mentioned in the same itemized object list as money, jewelry and cars.
However sadly, young girls and women are being groomed through music videos to believe that in order to get a man and the finer things in life they must dance and dress provocatively. To many of them, a tough thug who has a lot of riches equates to security. Unfortunately, security is what many young women are growing up without, due to the epidemic of broken homes and being victims of physical and sexual abuse. They believe a thug will scare off all predators and take care of them like a fairy tale, but sadly enough, it’s the thug that they get who often becomes their worst nightmare.
At the time I am writing this, the #1 song and video in the nation is a song by gangsta rapper Ludacris, titled, “ Money maker.”
Album: Release Therapy
Song: Money Maker
You know I got it
If you wanna come get it
Stand next to this money
Like – ey ey
Shake, shake, shake your money maker
Like you were shaking it for some paper
It took your momma 9 months to make ya
Might as well shake what your momma gave ya
This song blatantly portrays women as sexual objects and clearly sends a message to women that if you want money from a man, shaking your body or your “money maker” in a sexual way to please a man will earn them a high income. This song is cultivating a prostitute mentality in many young women.
Girls are being taught at a young age, that women are to be treated as objects of sexual pleasure. As stated earlier, the ward kept referring to women as “females” as if they were objects. I have heard some wards ridiculed by their peers for mentioning their faithfulness to their girlfriend or wife. To be faithful or monogamous to one woman in the “thug culture” is often considered being a “punk.” However, the “pimp” is held up in honor. One pimp on my caseload put his philosophy or ideology this way, concerning the relationship between pimps and “whores”:
STORIES BY INCARCERATED GANG MEMBERS
“The reason why whores need the pimp.”
Notes from an incarcerated pimp
“After all, whores are not born they are “turned out””
The career pimp lives by a rigid code of self discipline which projects an image of icy composure in the face of the constant stresses and threats of the turf. He keeps his cool despite the most voluptuous sexual temptation within his stable or in the streets he’s a gut god who has put his emotions and sex drive into a kind of commercial cold storage.
He never gets sweeter than the amount of a particular whore’s money. The codes, the rules the attitudes of pimping are passed along to new young pimps who if imaginative will discover something new and cunning to add to the pimp book.
The reason why whores need the pimp. The practical reasons are the whore needs the pimp to protect her, to advise her and keep her out of jail, for another, no less urgent reason, she needs the pimp to drive her to punish her, to make her suffer so that painful guilt for her “bi*%# dog” existence can be relieved.
After all, whores are not born they are “turned out”, they are kick outs from broken homes, students, waitresses, entertainers, barflies, middle class kooks, and even daughters of preachers, but all have some conscience and know of society’s contempt and loathing for the hooker.
Whore need and use the flashy from, notoriety and phony glamour of pimps to get a sense of personal importance and worth. I don’t think I ever got a dime from a whore because of any sexual prowess I possessed.
A career pimp literally working every waking moment, sounding out potential whores for his stable everywhere he goes. A pimp’s next whore could be the young girl working the elevator or desk at your hotel. Whores are like quicksilver and twice as hard to hold.
When a pimp meets a girl with a curvy body and a weak mind and she is not a whore he must turn her out. This can be difficult when a girl has strong moral inhibitions against selling her body. The “turnout” is an art within an art. However pimps have an exciting aura of wicked bravado and raw sexiness that would threaten even the mortality of a nun in long exposure. A girl with strong inhibitions but who has been weakened and stricken by the pimps poisonous personality will have her inhibitions brain washed away by the pimp.
The pimp in teaching the inhibited young girl to unlearn and will point out moral hypocrisy and greedy materialism rampant in the so called square world he will constantly portray socialites and actresses who marry older men as merely glorified prostitutes who have bartered their bodies for money. In cases where a girl’s inhibitions stand firm to this approach and to his corrupting aura, the pimp will probably dump the package. But if she really has great commercial potential he will try to trick her into her first whore transaction through the use of a prearranged con skit or min psychodrama. The turn out hinges on one clear cut sexual act for pay that whether performed in awareness or in trickery forces a sharp emotional and moral transformation from square to whore. (Ward uses quotes from his pimp idol “Iceberg Slim”)
The thug culture commonly views relationships with the opposite sex as “pit stops” of convenience, which they utilize to get their living and sexual needs met. To validate this point, I’ll let some of the wards tell it to you in their own words:
“Females want to have fun just like us.”
On this subject I feel that when we’re young we should be able to have fun and what I mean by that is not being with one female because I believe that a relationship will not work with people my age we’re still finding out new things and stuff like that, but I do believe in settling down when I get older. Females want to have fun just like us. I don’t believe that a female’s job is to do what ever I say I feel they can do what they want if they want to work they work and so on.
“I think of them as a lower level.”
I view all the women about the same. Besides on the simple fact that when I was growing up all I seen was my older brother and all his friends with multiple girlfriends. I hardly seen any of my cousins, friends or uncles with just one girlfriend. So when I was growing up I started getting at girls and I always had more than one and I thought it was a good thing to do. When I was getting more into girls I was starting to get caught up with other girls and I never even cared about breaking someone’s heart. Now that I’m older and in the system all I look for in a woman is support so I still write to more than one female. I try to get every girl to send me different things such as money, magazines and even 3 ways to call up homeboys on the phone. I don’t view women as being equal to us men. I think of them as a lower level. All us men do all the hard work, while they stay home and kick it. So I ain’t going for all that, they do all the work while I stay home and kick it with the homeboys.
I feel that while in lock up, they should be the ones working and sending me what ever I want. And I got a lot of tattoos so I’m still going to be the same when I get out, cause I can’t get no job, so I need to be supported.
“I look at females like a piece of meat”
My perspective of females is down grading I know it’s wrong, but yet I look at females like a piece of meat they should clean cook take care of the kids and do what I say. It’s not right to have two or three females at one time, but again it’s more of a challenge like a thrill trying not to get caught and when you do get caught you try to talk game to her and depending on what happens you brag to your “homies” saying females are way too easy to manipulate. Your “homies” are on the same pages as you. So all they think about is having sex, how many times and how many women. It’s important for us to accept our women as a equal partner.
“Why I call women B’s”
I’m writing this essay because the way I come at females tends to be a problem area for me. I figure this based on since I’ve been locked up I’m seem to always get in trouble when I talk to female staff. Most of the time I don’t mean any harm, I just talk to ladies the way I was use to. I tend to call females bit%#*’s because in my neck of the woods the way I come at females is welcomed.
The females in my area I think find some type of sense of belonging or connectedness and to me I think they find some type of comfort, because when one of my “potnas” or somebody is messing with my girl I’ll tell them to leave my bitc% alone and she seems to respect that. And I think I call females bit#%’s because they call themselves bit%#*’s. They tend to let it be known that they area bit%#*’s but good one’s and they call each other bit%#*’s among themselves but in a friendly way so like I said I call females bit%#*’s because thats what I’m use to calling them and the ones in my area don’t seem to mind.
A week later, the same ward that wrote the above statement, called me over to his cell and told me he wanted me to see something, he believed it would validate his above statement. He slid under his cell door a letter from one of his so-called girlfriends, and in bold writing on top of the page, this young lady wrote the statement, addressing the ward:
“I’m digin you, you my daddy, I’m yo Bit#%.”
As sad as it sounds, the ward did make his point, in conveying that some women desire to be called such names. Sadly some have embraced the thug culture and have accepted the role given to them in heard woman proudly refer to themselves as “bit%#.” Many women have accepted this role as a “badge of honor” in the thug culture. In playing this role, some believe they gain power and respect in the eyes of others by being feared or envied by other women, through their relationship with their “gangsta” or “thug” boyfriend. There are many lady gangster rappers who refer to themselves in derogatory names, the following are a few examples:
Song: Queen Bi#%h
I am a diamond cluster hustler
Queen bi#%, supreme bi#@h
Kill a nigga for my nigga by any means bi%#h
Murder scene bi#ch
Clean bi#%, disease free bi#ch
Song:Chi Town Lyrics
The pimps got the hoes pinned up on the wall
Just pass me the blunt and I puff it all
In the summer, winter, fall, or spring
I love it when my bit%#es and my ballers sing
now i’m the type of b tch that’s one of a kind
y’all know, the kind of b tch that like to sip that fine wine.
Why are so many young men trying to be thugs? The entertainment industry has promoted the thug culture, which tells them that the prettiest women are attracted to thugs. Read the lyrics of the song below. The song entitled “Soldier” is performed by the #1 R&B group Destiny Child. Examine the message they are giving young male youth and how they present a new ungodly standard to young women of what they present a real man as:
Artist: Destiny’s Child
Album: Destiny Fulfilled
We like them boys that be in them ‘lacs leanin’ (leanin’)
Open they mouth they grill gleamin’ (gleamin’)
Candy paint keep that whip clean and (clean and)
They always be talkin’ that country slang we like
They keep that beat that be in the back beatin’ (beatin’)
Eyes be so low from the chiefin’ (chiefin’)
I love how he keep my body screamin’ (screamin’)
A rude boy thats good to me with street credibility
If yah status ain’t hood I ain’t checkin’ for them
Betta be street if he lookin’ at me
I need a soldier That ain’t scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things if yah know what I mean
I remember when this thug image really started to gain popularity. It was when the attractive pop singer Janet Jackson debuted the hit song and video “Nasty” from her 1986 Control album that went gold.
The female pop icon boldly proclaimed in the song “Nasty” that men with good moral values, in her eyes, were a “turn off”, but that guys who lived an immoral lifestyle were of her liking. Here are the opening lyrics of the hit single:
Nasty Lyrics: 1986
Gimme a beat!
Sittin’ in the movie show
Thinkin’ nasty thoughts
Better be a gentleman
Or you’ll turn me off
That’s right, lemme tell it
Nasty, nasty boys, don’t mean a thing
Oh you nasty boys
Nasty, nasty boys, don’t ever change
Oh you nasty boys
The music video of this song, which is very sexual in nature, features street thugs who are projected as tough, “cool” and exciting. They dance along a sensual moving Janet as she randomly gazes at them with lustful and desirable eyes.
Jackson’s star power through this song gave her an influence to reinvent a new ideology of the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship to a younger generation. The traditional innocent and cute relationship was now seen as obsolete, leading to a new hip relationship which is now illicit, immoral and dangerously exciting.
Rapper Mc Lyte dramatically increased her star power when she jumped on this bandwagon with her hit song, ”I Want a Roughneck.” Her message came across even bolder than Janet’s as the song earned her a Grammy nomination and also went gold.
Check out the song’s lyrics:
Ruffneck Lyrics 1993
Artist: Mc Lyte
Album: Ain’t No Other
(chorus)(x3) Gotta what yo Gotta get a ruffneck (verse one)
I need a ruffneck I need a dude with attitude
Who only needs his fingers with his food
Karl Kani saggin’ timbos draggin’ Frontin’ in his ride
with his home boys braggin’ Lying ‘bout the Lyte how he knocked boots last night
But he’s a ruffneck so that’s alright Triple o baldie
under the hood Makin’ noise with the boys up to no good
C low on the down low cops come around so ruffneck
front like he gotta go Evil grin with a mouth full of gold
This promiscuous mind-set has caused an increase of sexual transmitted diseases that has infected and killed millions. Absentee fathers and mothers are on the rise. Thug mentality teaches that relationships are for the purpose to obtain bodily pleasure and for convenience. Many of these youth behind these prison walls were raised by grandparents, or other extended family members, often because the biological parents were too irresponsible, running the streets, neglecting them and going to prison. This resulted in the child being raised up in the system, because there aren’t any family members competent to care for them.
These children often go through life feeling unloved, emotionally hurt and feeling like a burden to others. These beliefs often ignite feelings of anger, hopelessness and low self-worth. I have talked to ward after ward, where this is the case in their own life (you have already read some of their stories). Thug Mentality provides an illusion of an opportunity of hope for these individuals, to gain a new identity and an exciting lifestyle. Unfortunately, the masses are running to it like hungry mice to a mousetrap. Many look to the gangsta entertainers as the father figures they never had. These entertainers are willing to give them advice and support through their lyrics on how to obtain the finer things in life. This is why you have so many youth conforming to their favorite gangsta artist, because typically a son wants to be like their father.
Stopping the Destructive Cycle
First, we can start by getting back to the basics, by treating others how we want to be treated. Next, we must destroy the myth that a decent guy can only get the woman of his dreams, only if he has rolls of cash, an expensive car, $200 shoes and a gold plated grill (cosmetic dental work). Girls and women must be educated that everything that looks good isn’t good for them. Whatever happened to self-respect? If one’s idea of a meaningful relationship is just to get sexual fulfillment, neighborhood status and material wealth, than these types of relationships might meet their needs temporarily, however the long-term affects can be deadly. Besides, if you are a guy and you are able to obtain what you think is the woman of your dreams by flaunting and giving them material wealth is a loose foundation. All it will take is for another to take your woman is for him to have more material wealth than you.
Here is a quote a music video model made during an interview of a popular Hip Hop magazine:
Interviewer: So you want a man who’s both honest and thug?
Model: I love guys who are street. I won’t even give soft guys a chance. Menace II Society is my sh@%! Caine was like my first crush. Actually, O Dog was my true dream guy. I was in love with him, from that opening scene where he pops the convenience store worker. He had me from that gunshot [laughs]. He was ’hood, and I loved that.
These days there are now a growing number of modern day gangsta love novels selling like “hot cakes.” Youth are gobbling these books up by the masses for the entertainment of feeding their own personal fantasies of the thug love they see glamorously featured in the entertainment industry. This week I was in a popular bookstore chain, and they were featuring a new book entitled “Thugalicious.” This word by the way has been added into the Urban Dictionary.
Urban Dictionary Definition:
thugalicious a joke that actually means the opposite of thug usually said with sarcasm. a comical stab at words with suffixes like “licious” such as bootylicious which are generally just pretty stupid
She’s a thugalicious as a tall white girl can be!
A pimped out gangsta with lots of ice
Whoa look at that thugalicious pimp.
A brutha with street style that isn’t ghetto. Is smooth and has some class when he opens his mouth. Dre is so thugalicious, I would love to get next to him.
A thug that’s real fine damn,
that boy thugalicious
The Benefits of Sexual Purity
The thug culture promotes behaviors that desecrate sexual purity, as did pagan societies for thousands of years. Perverted sexual rituals to pagan gods were believed as a way to obtain life’s necessities and special blessings.
Sex was a gift created by God as a love covenant between a husband and his wife. Did God prohibit sex out of marriage just to be controlling? No, he did it because he loved us and wanted to protect us. Protect us from what?
· Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
· Neglected and Abandoned Children (Many of the incarcerated youth at the facility where I work, express that their hatred and anger towards rival gang members and authority is really the hurt and pain from their childhood from being neglected or abandoned by a father or mother or both.
· Abortion The murder of millions of children every year and the emotional pain and guilt that lingers for a life- time.
· The Emotional/Physical Pain and scars from break ups, adultery and divorce (many murders are related to the results of these sins.).
· The Consequence of Sin, which is eternal damnation.
Never during any time in history has there been such an attack on the institution of marriage. Marriage represents the covenant between Jesus (the groom) and His church (the bride) (Revelation 19:5-9). This is what the coming of Christ or rapture is all about. It is about Christ coming for His bride the church before all hell breaks loose during the tribulation here on earth. Afterwards, Satan and his followers will be cast into the Lake of Fire (Revelation 21:8, Revelation 19:20). Satan hates Jesus and the church; therefore he is always attempting to make a mockery of the covenant between the two. Thug mentality, along with the same sex marriage agenda is on a destructive course in leading the way for Satan’s plan to desecrate sexual purity. You see, sexual purity is God’s will for all our lives, and His will is the most joyful,fulfilling and safest place to be in this universe. If it’s your desire to marry, God has a wonderful person made just for you. This individual for you is in God’s will. Therefore, to meet them, you must enter God’s will. How do we enter God’s will? By being obedient to God’s Word the Holy Bible.
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Does the Thug Culture Promote Homosexuality?
I have never observed in my lifetime where I seen more young men carry themselves in a feminine way then ever before. I remember going to school where I might be able to identify less than a handful of gay or overly feminine boys. Being gay or feminine was considered to be taboo and as we would say “nasty.” These days many consider a male being feminine as “cute”, “chic” or a metro-sexual. Nowadays, it appears there are almost as many male youth being feminine and homosexual, as there are trying to be thugs.
The entertainment industry for years has been slowly desensitizing the public to accept homosexuality. Recently on national television, during MTV’s Music Video Awards, well-known pop star and cabbalist Madonna exchanged a prolonged, open-mouth kiss with a young Britney Spears as they performed a song together in front of millions of viewers:
When Spears was asked if she would “do it again,” she squealed, “No, I would not do it,” but then added, “Maybe with Madonna.”
Listen to what Madonna said in a magazine article after the incident, regarding her explanation to her nine-year-old daughter:
Madonna says she had some explaining to do when her daughter, Lourdes, asked about that kiss with Britney Spears at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards. “(Lourdes) is really obsessed with who is gay,” says Madonna in an interview in Out magazine’s April issue.
And she even asked, ‘Mum, you know they say that you are gay?’ ‘Oh, do they? Why?” And she says, “Because you kissed Britney Spears.”
“And I said (Madonna talking), No, it just means I kissed Britney Spears. I am the mummy pop star and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her’.”
Even more recent,Lance Bass,band member of the popular N’Sync,came out to the let the world know he’s gay and in a “very stable” relationship with a reality show star. Bass stated to CNN, “The thing is, I’m not ashamed that’s the one thing I want to say,” Bass added. “I don’t think it’s wrong, I’m not devastated going through this. I’m more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I’m just happy.”
The gay cowboy movie “Brokeback Mountain” recently received the most Oscar nominations, which was eight. It also won best picture honors from the Golden Globes (drama).
The homosexual agenda has now found it’s way into Hip Hop. Look at these lyrics from rap artist Nelly’s #1 hit song Country Grammar (2000):
Now I’m knockin like Jehovah let me in now, let me in now Bill Gates, Donald Trump let me in now
Spin now, I got money to lend my friends now
We in now, candy Benz, Kenwood and 10”s now
I win now (Whoo!) Fu#%’in lesbian twins now Seein now,
through the pen I make my ends now
Check out this song from female rap artist Missy Elliott as she conveys her acceptance to the Bisexual lifestyle:
Artist: Missy Elliott Lyrics
Song: Pass That Dutch Lyrics
Pop that, pop that, make that money Just keep it going, like the Energizer Bunny
Shake that, shake that, move it all around Spank that,
yank that, dutch back now Freak him, freak her, whatever ya choice
Didn’t come to judge, I came to get ya moist Scream –
(WHO DI WHOOOOOOO!) now my voice is lost Can I get a ride on the white horse?
There have now been a number of female rap artists which have come out the so called “closet” as bisexual. The entertainers in the pop and rock industry have come out years ago, many boastfully. Yet, this has been taboo in the Hip Hop industry until recent as you can see from Missy Elliot’s lyrics, and now some of her colleagues have followed her lead, also coming out and preaching homosexual tolerance.
Homosexual Roots of Sagging
Another way the spirit of homosexuality is creeping its way into the thug culture, is through the stylish trend of “sagging”, in which you have men and boys displaying their underwear to the public, by pulling their pants down to the middle or just below their buttocks. Something that would of appeared odd, even freakish in years past, is now the norm in mainstream society. I ask these individuals if they know where sagging comes from, some will guess right and say “prison.” However when I ask why? Some say, “They didn’t have belts, because they didn’t want the prisoners to commit suicide.” This might have been the case at times, however the core origin of sagging begins through male prostitution. Male prostitutes were instructed by their jailhouse pimps to sag their pants down to their buttocks and walk up and down the tier for advertising. The purpose was to sexually arouse perverted inmates to proposition them for business. Why else would a man want to show his buttocks to the world?
However, the argument of the “sagger” is, “I don’t sag for that reason.” The fact remains that they have allowed a homosexual trend to influence their dress style. This is another example how this ancient Babylonian homosexual spirit is now covertly impacting the youth culture of today. The entertainers who introduce these styles are like cult leaders because they know they can get their fans to do anything after hypnotizing them with their music.
Along with the sagging pants, we see males wearing the feminine color pink more than ever, feminine hairstyles, along with two earrings, which has been a practice by bisexual men for centuries, especially in Greece and Rome. This spirit of homosexuality is creating a tolerance for these feminine trends, by reintroducing them now as “hardcore”. Now, there are some gangsta rappers that rap about raping other men in their songs. This is portrayed as masculine because some in the culture believe that raping another man is taking their “manhood.” It is viewed by thugs as the most degrading method you can use against an enemy.
Though it has been public knowledge that homosexuality has always been part of a portion of the prison culture, in the masculine mainstream, homosexuality has been taboo (unacceptable) as far as I can remember, especially in the thug street culture. Now, this has become disputable. Let me explain:
A few months ago I had a flamboyant homosexual ward on my caseload. I addressed him one morning during an outside recreational program as “Mr.” Immediately, a few of his peers became angry with me, stating I had disrespected “her”, by calling him “Mr.” The ward himself did not appear offended by my comment. We had talked previously about his sexuality, and he had conveyed to me that he knew within his conscience it was wrong and that he wanted to change. He had confided to me that he had molested like so many of the other homosexuals I have had on my caseload throughout the years.
Back to those wards who came to his defense. They went on and on how I should respect him wanting to be a woman and should address “her’ that way. What was odd to me was that some of these same wards who came to this ward’s defense, adamantly denied they were homosexual or bisexual. Yet some would describe in very vulgar words and publicly, how they desired to have sex with other men during their incarceration. Some admitted that they already had homosexual encounters, however still would deny that they were homosexual. Kind of like someone admitting to getting drunk every night but saying saying they “punked” their victim or their victim was the “fag” not them (because they were the aggressor) and during the act they were thinking of a woman.
During incarceration, some thugs (not all) look at taking someone’s manhood (raping another inmate) as a way to build up their thug status. A while back I talked to a respected gang leader on our unit, who often boasted openly about having multiple homosexual encounters with other wards since his incarceration. Some whom he stated he raped, and bragged about it to his peers. During our conversation he discussed his first encounter of being seduced by a homosexual which he says led him into a homosexual addiction. He volunteered to write me an essay about his mentality which he entitled “The Mind of a Booty Bandit.” He writes after describing that first homosexual encounter:
When I came out the bathroom I felt a way I never felt before. I almost seemed like I was a new person. When they let us back to our units I looked in the mirror and hated myself for what just happened all of a sudden I felt dirty, filthy less than a man almost to the point of suicide but not quite that felling lasted for almost 3 days until I finally went to school and attacked him and when my peers asked why I did that I said ‘I don’t know I just did.’ Then my peers said it’s okay it was your first time your getting use to it. Don’t worry let it go you’ll forget about what gender your screwing by the third or fourth one. And that’s what happened I forgot.
He explains after raping one of his roommates:” He was crying and didn’t know what to do so I threatened him if he tries anything or tell the staff everybody’s going to know and he had a reputation he didn’t want to be destroyed so he stayed silent and let me penetrate him and gave me oral copulation when I wanted it and the time was right if I wanted to bring somebody emotional destruction I would make sure every time that person used the bathroom and brushed his teeth he would think about me.”
He concludes with: “I am not gay and don’t consider what I tell you because it’s a way of life inside the vicinity of the bob wire fences even though I learned to sexually manipulate people and use everyway possible to destroy a normal mans way of thinking, I still look at females as I would on the streets.”
History of the Homosexual
Homosexual is synonymous with “gay.” Many believe the word gay comes from the dictionary definition of “full of light-heartedness and merriment and having or showing a carefree spirit.” You might be surprised to know that this word does not come from that meaning at all; it comes from the name of Gaia a Babylonian goddess. Listen to what self-proclaimed “warrior dyke” feminist Judy Grahn says: “Gay comes from the grand old earth goddess Gaia, who reigned long before the patriarchal invasion overthrew and replaced her. Western homosexual people truly deserve to consider them selves the children of Gaia, [after] having kept her name alive for thirty or forty centuries after her fall from grace.”
Most would be surprised to know that homosexuality is rooted in the cultic worship of the goddess Semiramis that originated in ancient Babylon, which grew throughout the world. Ritual worship to Semiramis included: sacrifice of children, orgies, in which every conceivable form of sexual perversion was practiced: Homosexuality, Lesbianism, incest, sodomy with both male and female prostitutes and transvestites. These acts were a vital part of the worship of the various pagan gods and goddesses.
What was the motivation behind the homosexual worship of these gods and goddesses? It was for the purpose to invoke or appease the gods and goddesses (most were both male and female) in order to gain fertility for one’s self, clan or the tribe. Appeasing the gods always meant that a ritual had to consist of actions that were an abomination to the one true God.
A common form of worship, which spread through out the world from Babylon, was to erect a phallic pole on a hill. A phallic pole symbolized the male’s sexual organ. Cult members would erect these poles to give honor and praise to the male gods. After a pole was erected, the cult members would perform perverted sexual rituals under it which were often homosexual in nature. There would often be male prostitutes nearby the poles, shrines or temples, in order for members to participate in these abominable rituals. The cult members believed that when they performed these acts, it would please the male gods, and in return the male gods would fertilize “Mother Earth,” which was the goddess Gaia. They would receive blessings from the goddess such as a plentiful crop harvest, increase in livestock and fertility for an abundance of children.
Cultures around the world have varied in their worship and rituals to their gods; however the concept has remained the same: to defy God’s commandments and divine order.
“I’m a Gang member and I like the Laws”
First off, I would like to start off by saying laws are needed in America, but not all of them. I think laws should be strict based on without them America would be a disaster. People would do what they want, when they want and so much stuff would happen. Like the laws against gangs and drugs, when a person in a gang gets locked up for a possession of a fire arm, if he’s documented as a gang member he she will receive a certain amount of time that, goes the same with drugs. I’m a gang member and I like that law, I say if a gang member displays his herself in such a manner, they should receive the consequences. There’s a lot of laws I disagree with and agree with like legalizing marijuana, what for? If that happened they are going to wish they never did that because the people smoking it are going to take it all out of proportion. Smoking in theaters, little kids going to elementary intoxicated off marijuana. Everybody except the one who voted against it would be smoking it any and every where. What I think should be done about all this law stuff, there should be people who don’t do it and people who do it, that would hopefully straighten things out with laws. If not then America has a big problem, people will continue to break the laws. I’ll be honest I break, I get the consequences that’s how I learn from my mistakes and just move on, because I’m not going to break the law my whole life.
I got attracted to the thrill of “kicking it” with the older homeboys. My mother and grandmother started noticing that I would always want to be with my uncles and knew that they had no control over me whatsoever. If they tried to stop me, I would rebel and do what I wanted to do. They knew that they had lost me the way they lost my uncles to the gang lifestyle. They would come home drunk or high and I would come in right behind them. I know it hurts my family to watch the men in their family get caught up in the web of death and incarceration.
“I always had that sense of obligation to rebel”
Why I have such a lack of respect toward those who hold any type of authority? Is mainly the simple thought that those individuals who are marked by official positions or stand over me have the ability and power to tell me what to do. I have always been the type of individual that wants to do what I want when I want and where I want. And that’s when the authority figures step in the picture (police, probation officers, parole officers, your authority staff etc..) attempt to stop my negative actions by laying down and enforcing the law.
But just because they stepped into the picture does not mean that I will stop doing whatever I was doing. I’m bound to resist and inclined any type of authority and rebel against their set guidelines one way or another. Whether I try to be sly and do it on the unders and try not to get caught, or do it in the opens where the eye can see. I would still do it regardless of the circumstances and what the repercussions maybe. I always had that sense of obligation to rebel.
When I was younger I would always do what I was not supposed to do to get that little rush of excitement because I know I am not suppose to do it and there is a good possibility that I could get caught. This went from small things when I was young such as my mom telling me not to eat the cookies, but as I got older it gradually changed to bigger things such as stealing from the store, using drugs, skipping school and stealing cars breaking into house and so on. But as the acts of rebellion (crimes) grew bigger so did the punishments. First it started out with me getting verbal warnings, to getting grounded or restricted from things I liked to do. Then I started getting arrested and the more times I got incarcerated the longer my stays were. After a while the courts felt that my mom had no power over me and didn’t have the ability to control my actions so they declared me a ward of the court and started sending me to placements. This didn’t stop the way I acted or help me gain more respect for authority figures. I still did what I wanted and a majority of the time I would be out and about having fun but I always found some reason to bring attention to myself and end up where I started, back in juvenile hall. I would keep repeating these actions over and over and then the court system felt like they had no control over me and they exhausted their resources and decided that the Youth Authority would be better suited for my needs.
Since I have been in the youth authority, it has not really been able to change me, I’ve changed myself. During my current stay I’ve had the time to mature both mentality and physically. I’ve changed my old ways “A lot” I’m sure I still rebel against the authority in change but not like I use to. I’ve forced myself to adjust to a lot of the petty rules and regulation that are established for all wards that reside within these walls of confinement and I show the stall the respect I think they deserve on an individual basis. I know I’ll always have some type of hate towards authority figures, it’s not going to change. I’ll just learn how to better control it.